Going to be away first time from gal in 9 mths

In my last entry, i mentioned that i will be travelling to Germany next week for abt 5 days.

Yes, after manage to "siam" travelling for work for some long, i couldnt escape this time :( It was decided very last minute on Wed tt i will be travelling to Walldorf, a town in Germany on Mon. Agrrrrr... horrors of horrors. The first time i am going to be away from Athena is a long trip (at least to me) to Germany. How? How? How?

So many thots went thru my mind at tt pt. How am i going to pump my milk during my trip in a strange office? How can i bring back the milk? Shld i bring back the milk?? How will athena take it? She still wakes up 3 times at nite to latch on and drink direct from me. Can hubby handle her, all by himself at nite? Most impt of all, can i bear to leave her for 5 days?????

Talked to a fren who is also lactating and often travels for work. Wah, so many things to prep if i want to bring back the milk. It can be chilled or frozen and the handing is totally different. It's a logistic nitemare. But she's really supportive and lend me her cooler box and cabin hold/lock. After much consideration, i decided to bring back only those tt i managed to freeze. Those tt cant will be thrown. i cant really throw all away. 1) it's wasteful 2) my supply been dropping and this will not help!!!! Let's hope i can do it.

Next is my gal's sleeping habit. Till now, she still wakes up 3 times at nite. Once at 12++, another at 3 ++ and possibly 5 0r 6++ So, how are we going to prep the nite feed which requires the heating up of thawed breastmilk?? This is worrying. Talk to my mum and she asked me to let Athena and maid stay over at her place. She will take care of Athena with the help of my maid. I felt so relieve. And, i am so glad tt i stay 2 blocks away from my mum. It really helps. Thank you mum!!!

But the one thing tt is not going away or settled, is guilt. Guilt of a working mother when she has to leave her gal for 5 days, guilt of a mum tt's not ard to comfort her when she's sick and coughing, guilt of a mum tt has to leave it to other pp to take care of her. *Sob*sob* Fear of a mum tt her child will not recognise or want her when she's back from her trip. *sob* sob*....... though hubby was teasing me tt finally, after 9 mths, i will get to have one 4 nites of uninterrupted sleep. But i think like him when he first travel one mth ago, i will still wake up in the middle of the nite, thinking i heard a baby cry... :(